


A whiff of summer and gentle touches

by oreranoneiro (jiyuunoriyuu)



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff, M/M, Working out feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26623747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiyuunoriyuu/pseuds/oreranoneiro
Summary: Hokuto avoids living in a dorm because of two things: lack of personal space and quietness. His roommate somehow broke both of it.
Relationships: Jesse Lewis/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	A whiff of summer and gentle touches

**Author's Note:**

> Commisioned by @seohayami_s on twitter ✨

Hokuto is too broke to rent a whole apartment for himself.

He's a first-year student who attends college by scholarship, there's no way he has enough savings to rent a place. He needs time to adjust to college life before starting a part-time job. His parents' house is 146 kilometres away from his school, so commuting every day is out of the question. But the idea of living in a dorm is so outrageous he can’t even imagine.

So he asked Juri for help, because Juri is the person he turned to every time he had a problem, and Juri somehow found the right solution.

Except the solution is making Hokuto’s life even harder.

  
  
  
  


“I’m home.” Said Hokuto as he came in and locked the door. The black-haired man sighed as he saw a pair of shoes on the floor, putting it on the shelves before taking off his own. The sounds from television are loud but the laughter is even louder, and Hokuto is getting more and more annoyed by seconds.

“Oh, Hokuto, welcome home! It’s rare for you to go home this late, I thought you were staying over at someone else’s. Busy day?”

Hokuto goes right into his room without acknowledging his roommate’s existence, ignoring his question. It wasn't important anyway, and Hokuto used all his socializing quota for today. Oh well, not like his roommate cares.

Juri _did_ help Hokuto find an apartment close to the university. This apartment is owned by one of Juri’s brother’s friend, and they were looking for a new tenant. The downside is the price isn’t exactly affordable since the place is quite big to be inhabited alone, but Juri found another solution in the form of a friend who was also looking for a place.

Hokuto isn’t picky about who he has to live with, as long as that person isn’t a serial killer and he won’t invade Hokuto’s personal place. Juri knows what he can and can’t tolerate anyway. So he gave his okay without talking to the future roommate first, a decision that he regretted soon after they moved in.

Hokuto avoids living in a dorm because of two things: lack of personal space and quietness. His roommate somehow broke both of it. 

To say his roommate is noisy is an understatement, his voice is ear-splitting. His mess is tolerable, what Hokuto can’t accept is how whenever Hokuto is at home, he’s also _everywhere_. Lazing in the living room when Hokuto wants to watch TV, making juice or something when Hokuto wants to cook, always there whenever Hokuto comes out of his room. Hokuto doesn’t mind a silent company, but this one always tries to talk to him.

He talks to Hokuto about anything and everything, from the story of a police drama (which Hokuto doesn’t watch) to the newest release by a western artist (which Hokuto doesn’t listen to). He also tries to get Hokuto to talk to him all the time, never getting disheartened by the way Hokuto ignores him or answers curtly. At first, Hokuto _did_ try to be polite, engaging in the conversations or at least answering when the other talked to him. But it became super tiring after a month or so, and after a while, Hokuto just pretends he doesn't exist when there is nothing important.

His roommate’s name is Jesse Lewis, and Hokuto might hate him a little.

  
  
  
  


Saturday is the only day Hokuto skipped his morning run and let himself wake up a bit late. He did his homework until late last night, so it's not surprising how the clock shows that it's a bit past ten when he wakes up. Hokuto put his glasses on before getting off the bed, letting out a sigh as he prepared himself for the noisy roommate’s barrage of questions.

But the scenery of the living room made him hold his breath unconsciously.

His roommate is playing guitar on the living room sofa, singing the lyrics of a song about cherry blossom. Hokuto heard him talking in high tension countless times before. He heard his weird jokes. He heard him laugh obnoxiously and being annoying in general, but he never heard him sing.

Jesse has the most beautiful singing voice Hokuto ever heard.

And not just the voice, it’s also the way Jesse sings the lyrics. Emotional yet gentle, full of feelings and warmth. Hokuto feels like he’s listening to a secret private show, something he shouldn’t hear or watch. It feels like a stranger is playing in his living room, like an alien took over his roommate’s body. Because there’s no way his irritating roommate can sing that heavenly.

“Who are you and what did you do to Jesse?” He demanded right after Jesse finished the song. The redhead looked up from his guitar, and Hokuto realized right away that it really is Jesse. No one grins that widely at him, no matter how happy they are. “Oh. Nevermind.”

“You like it?” That silly smile makes Hokuto regret opening his mouth and saying anything.

“Not really.” he shrugs before walking to the kitchen, ready to start ignoring Jesse again. Jesse followed him though, looking happy that he finally managed to get a reaction from Hokuto.

“Ehh, why? What kind of song do you like anyway? You never listen to music with a speaker.”

“I don’t have a preferred genre. Recently I listened to Halo at Yojohan, though. You know them?” Maybe he got enough sleep last night, or maybe he just felt so relaxed without any schoolwork demanding his attention. But unlike the last few weeks, he feels like it’s alright to answer Jesse’s question. “I’m making breakfast, you want some?”

“Sure! I’ve heard about them before, do you have any song you want to recommend?”

He swears it was not because of how nice Jesse sounds.

  
  
  
  
  


Hokuto must have hit his head somewhere accidentally.

It’s nothing serious, he didn’t have a headache or seeing doubles or anything, but there is something wrong with him. If everything is alright, then why would he talk to Jesse so normally? Jesse, who is still so loud and chatty and annoying, who still pesters him like a mosquito whenever he’s at home. Jesse, who never shut up and gave him the silence he longed for.

But somehow, Jesse’s noise doesn’t give him a headache anymore.

So Hokuto started humouring the other, and it feels like a weight was lifted from his shoulder. Their morning conversation wakes him up properly before morning classes, and the evening chats take his mind off the stress caused by schoolwork. He started spending his free time outside even when Jesse is also in the living room, because apparently Jesse knows how to shut up when Hokuto is concentrating on stuff. Maybe his roommate isn’t so bad after all.

“I’m home!” It’s almost 7 pm when Hokuto heard the sound of the front door opening, along with Jesse’s greeting. It’s one of the rare days when he arrived at home before Jesse, and even more rare because he’s not shutting himself in his room.

“Oh, welcome home. Wait a bit, I’m cooking dinner.”

“Yay! What’s that?” Jesse peeked through his shoulder, and Hokuto almost dropped the ladle out of surprise. Jesse stands right behind him, not touching him directly but close enough that Hokuto can feel the heat of his body. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down the heart that’s hammering in his chest. Being this close, Jesse probably can hear the sound of it. So he kicked Jesse’s shin, making the other step back in pain. “Ow! What’s that for?”

“For not waiting patiently,” he can hear the embarrassment in his own voice, so let’s just pray Jesse is too dense to realize it. “Just go put your bag in your room or whatever, I’ll call you when it’s done.”

“Ehh, but I like seeing you cook…” Hokuto is _this_ close to flipping the pot, but somehow he regained his composure. How did talking to Jesse become something so dangerous?

“Don’t make things up, you just want to eat sooner.” He still managed to answer snarkily, and with that the conversation turned into the usual banter. Jesse telling him how his day went, then making Hokuto spill his own story.

It’s so normal and comfortable, almost like they always get along well.

Hokuto isn’t stupid. He knows why whenever Jesse’s around he feels like banging his head to the closest wall, or why he wants to run to the veranda and shout loudly. He knows why his heart beats fast when Jesse stands a bit too close, or why he almost drops things when Jesse is acting a bit spoiled toward him. Hokuto knows the what, the when, and the why, but he isn’t ready to face the who.

He’s not ready to deal with this feeling.

“Do you have something else to do? Homework?” They finished eating he’s washing the dishes when the taller man asked, and Hokuto shook his head. “Let’s watch a movie then! It’s Tuesday, you don’t have early class tomorrow, right?”

“Sure? Just pick something.” It’s probably a bad idea. They never really spend their free time doing something together, normally they just do their own things without bothering each other. Hokuto probably gonna have trouble holding his feelings in, but somehow he still can’t say no.

People aren’t joking when they said love makes people dumb. Not like Hokuto is in love with Jesse, but… well. That’s a topic that he shouldn’t touch yet.

Jesse already turned off the light and prepared snacks when Hokuto joined him on the sofa, the TV shows the title of some cheesy romance movie. 

“Huh… I didn’t expect you to choose something like this.” Hokuto hasn't watched it, but his friends mentioned that it's an interesting romance movie and they enjoyed watching it with their girlfriends. Except Hokuto wouldn’t be watching it with his non-existent girlfriend, it’s a guy who he might or might not have a crush on.

He should’ve told Jesse he wanted to watch an Oizumi Yo movie.

“What did you expect then?” asked Jesse curiously, and Hokuto paused before answering it. He doesn’t exactly know either, Jesse is such a curveball that’s full of surprises. He knew Jesse loves comedy and his laugh is annoying, but he has no clue about his movie preferences.

“Action? Comedy? Something extreme.”

“I’m not picky about movies, anything okay… Wanna watch something else?”

“Nah, it’s okay. Just play it.” Hokuto can deal with his feelings. Somehow. It’s not like this is the first time he likes someone, he can handle sitting in close proximity with his crush and not combust like a high schooler.

“If you say so.” Jesse shrugged and hit play.

Ten minutes into the film, Hokuto realized three important things. 

One, the movie is actually good. It’s not cheesy, and Hokuto found himself getting pulled by the storyline. Two, Jesse moves a lot and keeps on shifting closer. He sat on the other end of the sofa when he hit the play button, but now there are only several centimetres between them. It's unsettling, especially when Hokuto reached the third point.

He’s overestimating his self-control.

Jesse is sitting _really_ close, enough that Hokuto will touch him if he moves his arm. There’s an urge in himself to actually touch the other, but he does his best to suppress it. Hokuto sneaked a glance, watching the other man concentrating on the screen while munching on potato chips. Maybe he didn’t realize that he’s moving closer. Okay. Calm down. He can handle it.

“Chips?” He snapped out of his daze when Jesse poked him with the chips bag. Hokuto nodded and grabbed some of it, then tried to focus his gaze on the TV again. It’s not working. Jesse is half-leaning on him, his arm hot against Hokuto’s shoulder. Hokuto doesn’t even know what’s going on in the movie anymore. Somehow he finds himself and the current situation he’s in a lot more dramatic than whatever the movie’s plot is.

Breathe, Matsumura, it’s not the end of the world.

Hokuto straightened his position and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself at least until the end of the movie. He managed to half-focusing on the screen and half-dozing off, too aware of the man leaning on him to actually watch it properly. But it’s okay. He will survive, there’s only 20 minutes left of the movie.

Ten minutes before the end, Jesse put his head on Hokuto’s shoulder.

Jesse smells so nice (citrus?), and his soft hair is tickling Hokuto’s jaw, which makes him really want to touch it. If Hokuto was scared of moving before, then he’s nothing less than terrified now. There is no space between them, and Jesse surely can hear his rapid heartbeat. It’s the only sound audible on Hokuto’s ears, along with Jesse’s regular breath.

But he doesn’t move. There’s a comfort he found on the other’s whisper of breath, and Hokuto tried to listen to it. Somehow, it calmed him down. His eyes start focusing again, and he sneaks a sidelong glance at the other. Looks like Jesse himself isn’t aware of the mess he caused to Hokuto, nor the relief he gave for free.

He can’t see Jesse’s face, so he couldn’t predict why Jesse leaned on him. Is it just how he is? Hokuto knows Jesse doesn’t understand the concepts of personal space, but does he just lean closer so casually to his friends all the time? Or is it because he’s at home and feels like he doesn’t have to be careful, so he let himself loose around Hokuto? Whatever it is, it’s not good for Hokuto’s heart.

The movie ended without him noticing anything else, and as he went to sleep the only thing Hokuto remembers are Jesse’s summer-ish aroma and the soft smile he gave when saying goodnight.

  
  
  
  


Hokuto is back to ignoring Jesse.

Well, not exactly. He does avoid being at home after that movie night, staying at the library until closing time and leaving early in the morning, even if he doesn’t have any class until the afternoon. But on his defence, school is maddeningly crazy right now. The professors stopped being lenient about deadlines months ago and all of the homework and projects have to be submitted next week. Not to mention the final exam is less than two weeks away, and suddenly he feels like he didn’t study enough.

He’s practically a living zombie, stumbling from classroom to library, back to classroom and repeat, sometimes slipping snack time between his cramming if he has enough time. He was so tired and worn out that he just stood on the entrance of his apartment after locking the door, trying to summon the energy to go to his room. Lack of sleep, the stress, headache, everything mixed up and honestly, Hokuto wants nothing but to lie down and weep right now.

“Welcome home,” Jesse’s voice snapped him out of a daze, and he doesn’t have enough strength to do anything but stare back at the taller man. His traitor cheeks warmed up at how Jesse has wet hair and a towel hanging on his neck, clearly just came out of the shower. Jesse’s happy smile faded (Has he mentioned how a happy Jesse looks like a cute, adorable, giant golden retriever? Now you know.) and turned into concern for the lack of reaction. “Hokuto? Are you okay?”

And like the crybaby he is, Hokuto started crying.

Because no one around him is in a better state than he is. All his classmates and close friends are on the verge of breaking down too, and they can give each other nothing but encouragement. And here Jesse, asking the question he didn’t know he wanted to hear, because he knows he’s not okay. Nothing is okay and his anxiety is skyrocketing so bad he feels suffocated all the time, but no one asked so he didn’t say anything.

Jesse is by his side in a blink of eyes, pulling him into a hug and letting Hokuto cry on his shoulder. He doesn’t even protest or resist, Jesse’s arm around him feels warm, safe and calming. And if his heart stuttered at how close they are, no one acknowledged it.

“I’m sorry, it was a bad week,” Jesse somehow led him to the sofa, and he’s trying to regulate his breath as the other is taking a glass of water. He whispered thanks before drinking it, Jesse’s stare felt like burning him. “Nothing happened, I’m just so tired with all the studying and homework.”

“I see, that’s good then,” said Jesse as he patted Hokuto’s head softly. And Hokuto feels like sinking, like drowning in his own feelings. Because for all the kindness Jesse gave, along with happiness he also felt guilt. Jesse probably thinks of Hokuto simply as his roommate, someone who shares the same living space. If he’s lucky, maybe Jesse thinks of him as a friend.

Hokuto doesn’t want them to be friends. He wants more.

It’s so selfish of him to dislike and ignore Jesse, then fall in love and liking him, doing it all as he likes and not caring about Jesse’s own feelings. And suddenly he feels ashamed. For letting Jesse get closer, for being kind with ulterior motives. For falling in love to such a gentle and bright person.

“Thank you,” Hokuto whispered as tears started welling up in his eyes again. He cursed his unstable emotion, looking down to hide it from Jesse. He can deal with this alone, there’s no way he gonna have another breakdown in front of his roommate. Not about this. “Sorry, I’m okay now. I need to finish my homework.”

He tried to stand up and leave to his room, but Jesse caught his wrist and by reflex Hokuto turned to look at the other’s face. He can’t read the expressions, Jesse doesn’t look as happy as he usually is. Nor does he look angry, or sad, or anything. Hokuto never saw Jesse looking like this, and honestly he doesn't know how to interpret it.

“Stay here. You don’t have to tell me what happened, but just stay until you feel better,” said the taller as he pulled Hokuto down, forcing him to sit again.

It’s unfair. Hokuto knows he’s being cruel, but Jesse’s kindness makes him want to cry even harder. He doesn’t deserve it. He walked all over Jesse’s feelings for months, then acting nice just because he fell in love with that singing voice, and yet Jesse still stayed there, waiting for him.

Maybe it will be faster and easier if he just says it.

“I like you,” he blurted it out, blinking to hold back his tears. “I mean, I really did have a bad week, final is next week and everything’s a mess. But I'm going to misunderstand all of this, okay? Sorry, I know you’re being nice to me because that’s just who you are, but I'm gonna take it the wrong way and think you _like_ me.”

Hokuto takes a deep breath, still looking at his lap. There, he said it. He’s not sure Jesse will still be okay living together after he finds out Hokuto’s feelings, so maybe they will go back to sharing space in silence. Except this time, Jesse won’t call after him or bombard him with questions anymore. Or maybe Jesse is going to kick him out, or leave the apartment. 

The idea of staying here without the noise and liveliness special to only Jesse hurts him more than the thought of being rejected.

“It’s good that I like you too, then,” Hokuto jolted up in surprise, finally meeting Jesse’s eyes for the first time that night. Jesse is grinning back at him, and he feels like there is light coming out from the other’s eyes. “Took you long enough, idiot. And here I thought you were smarter than me.”

“Hah?” Hokuto stared at the other in confusion. He heard what Jesse said properly, but it doesn’t make any sense. None of it, except the insult at the end. Maybe Hokuto really is an idiot if he can’t understand those simple sentences.

“I’m saying that you didn’t misunderstand anything. I like you first. That’s why I’m so clingy to you, did you really think I would just hug any of my friends?”

“Yes,” Hokuto answered honestly, and the way Jesse pouted at it makes him smile for the first time today. 

Maybe his week isn’t so bad after all.

  
  
  
  
  


_“So you’re not coming home?”_

“Nope, I need to look for a part-time job.” Hokuto has to hold back a laugh at how disappointed Juri sounds. It’s nice to know his friend missed him. He actually feels a bit bad for not showing up on summer vacation, but it’s about time he looks for a proper source of money.

_“Okay then. Say hi to Jesse for me.”_

“Yup. Bye, Juri,” Hokuto ended the phone call and put his phone on the table, then sat down on the sofa. “Juri says hi.”

Jesse hummed in response, too focused to react properly. They’re lounging around on the sofa, Hokuto with his phone and Jesse with his guitar. Today is the last day of finals, and Hokuto hasn't felt so relaxed for a long time. His classmates are celebrating the end of hell at a restaurant somewhere, but Hokuto rejected the invitation. He has a boyfriend he couldn’t appreciate yet because of the damn finals.

“Jesseeee,” he whined after the silence went on for a bit too long, pulling on the other’s sleeve. He didn’t come home just to be ignored. (Although maybe he does deserve being ignored for a while, it’s nothing compared to his months-long silent treatment.)

“Okay, okay,” Jesse put his guitar down before turning to Hokuto, then patting his head softly. “Hey, I wanted to ask you for a long time but always forgot about it. Why did you suddenly talk to me again? I’m happy about it, but that was weird.”

Hokuto feels his cheeks warmed up at that question, and he feels like banging his head to the closest table. But he promised not to run away anymore, not after all his stupid attitude this term.

“Your singing voice,” he mumbles reluctantly, looking anywhere but at Jesse. The other is gonna make fun of him for sure. He can hear the incoming laugh already.

“What?”

“Your singing voice,” He repeated it, now in a normal voice. “I heard you singing, and I like it. I never heard someone sing so beautifully before.”

“Ahh, if I know that I would sing in front of you sooner!” groaned Jesse as he leaned back, his gaze never leaving Hokuto’s face. Jesse told him before that he likes watching Hokuto all shy and flustered and Hokuto knows for sure that his face is really red right now. “So it was something so simple, huh.”

“Well I’m sorry for being really superficial,” He hit Jesse’s shoulder softly as he said it, not sure which one is stronger, the embarrassment from being shallow or the embarrassment from being the target of Jesse’s blunt affection. He settles on both.

“Hey,”

“Hm?” He looks up to Jesse shifting closer, smile soft but eyes glinting with something dark. Jesse put his hand under Hokuto’s chin and tilted up his face. Hokuto’s eyes fluttered closed as his heart stuttered, the usual aroma of Jesse’s perfume filling his olfactory.

“I’ve ordered us sushi for dinner,” Hokuto opened his eyes as he heard Jesse’s whisper in his ear. Several seconds passed as he just stared at his boyfriend’s grinning face, his face heating up from embarrassment for the second time in the last few minutes. “Hokuto?”

“Shut up, I hate you!” Finally regaining his composure, Hokuto grabbed the closest cushion and hit Jesse multiple times with it. He should’ve known that Jesse can’t be serious for more than five seconds. Jesse just laughs the way he always does, loud and weird and _warm_. The warmth that convinces him to stop hitting Jesse and crawl to his lap instead, pulling Jesse into a kiss and pouring all his feelings into it. Maybe, just maybe he can compromise with lack of personal space and quietness, if it’s for Jesse.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it 💕  
> I'm accepting commission, you can see [here](https://twitter.com/oreranoneiro/status/1302882959972737024) for more info.  
> Please drop a kudos if you enjoy it, or stop by my Twitter @oreranoneiro ♡


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